It was my pattern; it was our pattern, dozens of meaningless encounters, all ended the same way. I didn’t know what I was doing here anymore, her body was moving against mine as she whispered “wanna get out of here?” into my ear. I did want to get out of there, more than anything I wanted to get out of there, but not with her, not with a nameless face on a girl I wouldn’t remember. I looked over to Dez who was relaxing; he had his pick of the place.
“I need water,” I told the girl. It was the first thing that popped into my mind and I left her. I moved towards Dez who was sitting, enjoying the girls around him. I plopped my body beside him, “What the hell was that shit?”
“E, same as you always get.” Dez laughed. “Having a bad trip?”
“You know what man, I’m over this.”
The music was still pounding and it was making me sick. I had to get out of here, I had to get water, I had to leave. And I had to leave alone. I was walking to the exit and I was fighting myself to do it. It would be so easy to grab a drink and a girl, take her home, and feel better. I hated feeling like this; I hated feeling like I had nothing to show for my life. I had to straighten myself out.
It hit me out of nowhere that nothing in life was what I had planned for myself when I was a child. I wanted to be a doctor, I wanted to help people. Because helping people was what I liked to do, it gave me a place in the world, and now I was a twenty-three-year-old university student with no intention of actually graduating. Going to the club and picking up random’s every other night. This is not something I wanted for myself; this was something that I could deal with. I was turning out to be exactly what Jeep thought of me.
At the thought of her, I cringed. Maybe that’s why I was out of it tonight, seeing her, she must be home for her sister’s birthday. Lilly was legal now, she and her sister had always been close. But when I was with Jeep those four years, I was a better person, I want to be who I was when I was with her.
Now I was out of the club and half way home, I hadn’t a clue how I got here. It wasn’t something I’d even thought of, the thought of her was enough to break me out of my jail.
***
The morning was a fresh start. I woke up with the same feeling as I had when I went to bed. And I knew what I had to do. I tore apart the house. I had to start a new, I gathered up all of my clothing that was bought to go out. Dozens of shirts, I didn’t know I had so many shirts, I was a guy for crying out loud. Next I grabbed all of the drugs/booze/condoms and cigarettes and matches I could find. And I went to the back yard and threw it all into the dryer that we’ve been using for bonfires. Then I emptied the bottles onto it and threw a lit match into it. And watched it burn.
It was cathartic being free of everything. I just sat there and watched it burn. Then I heard a voice I hadn’t heard in years, that was ever close to my heart.
“I saw the smoke, I was worried. I’ve always loved this house.” She said, as if I had seen her. After a moment when I didn’t say anything, “what are you doing?”
I thought for another moment. “I’m lost without you.”
“Nick, it’s been three years!”
“I love you.”
“It’s been three years.” She said again.
“I don’t feel anything when I’m not with you. I feel invincible when I’m around you. Last night, after seeing you, was the first night I’ve left the bar by myself. I’m numb without you, it hurts so much being without you.” I waited for a response.
“It hurts being without you. It hurts to think about you. It hurts so much that my nights are starless.”
“With you I can get my life together. I lied to protect my brother, I was young and stupid. And I need to stop faking it, I need to stop lying, I need to be true to me. I need to go to school, to be a doctor, and I am going to do it with or without you. I would just rather it be with you.”
“Marry me. That’s the only way. Marry me, today, everyday, so I can trust you. Promise me every day that you love me; promise me that we’ll always be together. I hate those couples who get married this young; you know that. That’s why we broke up three years ago. But I’m sick of being without you.”
Now that was a shock, not only did she hate marriage, but she would want a big wedding if she ever did. Asking me to marry her right now, was not something that she would ever agree to.
“I can’t lose you again. You mess with my mind, you and me, I can’t be without you. Ever again. If you don’t promise me forever, I can’t stand to be in your arms again.”
“Yes.” Was all I said, and she launched herself into my arms. And everything felt right. Everything felt good.
And we walked away in each other’s arms, with my old life in flames behind us, both moving forward with the feeling of invincibility. We could handle anything apart, but we were stronger together.
Authors note: Story started with a song. It truly did, but then the character who goes with Invincible by Hedley. Also goes with Jeep, who no matter how I try, I cannot get her not to purpose to Nick. Sorry for the cheesy ending. But Jeep wouldn’t let this end without her.
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